Newman's kindly light still leads us on

In 1843 Newman preached his last Anglican sermon, "The Parting of Friends," resigned his position at Oxford and, accompanied by several companions from the university, formed a small, quasi-monastic community at Little-more. He then began to write his seminal theological work, An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine, in which he attempted to identify the patterns by which Christian doctrine had evolved down through the years. In the course of his writing, Newman recognized that what had protected Christian belief from developing wrongly over the centuries was the see of Rome.

By 1845, nearly afl of Newman's companions had decided to enter the Catholic church. In early October, John Dalgairns, one of the members of the Littlemore community who had himself been recently received into the church by Barberi, went to Newman's study to tell him that the Italian priest would shortly be passing through Oxford. Newman put down his pen and answered softly, "When you see your friend, will you tell him that I wish him to receive me into the church of Christ?"

Fr. Dominic arrived at Littlemore in pouring rain late the same evening. The next day, Newman knelt on the stone floor beside his writing desk and was received into the Catholic church. An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine is, thus, a uniquely ecumenical effort. Newman started writing as an Anglican, but completed his book as a Catholic.

One would expect, after Newman's long, patient search, after the years o doubt and questioning, that his entry into the church would be an emotionally overwhelming experience. Exactly the opposite seems to have been the case. Both of his letters written that day and the entries into his personal journal are strangely low-keyed. Down the righthand side of the journal for Oct. 9 are listed the letters written and received and then, in the lower left-hand corner, there is a small cross followed by the brief statement: "Admitted into the Cath. Ch. with Bowles and Stanton."

The personal cost of his final step was enormous, as he confided in a letter to his sister, Jemima: I am distressing all I love, unsettling all I have instructed or aided. I am going to those whom I do not know, and of whom I expect very little." Earlier, writing to his friend John Keble, Newman had described his approaching conversion by saying, "I am setting my face absolutely toward the wilderness."

From this perspective, Newman did not feel that either finding Christ or coming to the fullness of faith was a journey from the insecure to the secure, or from the tenuous to the safe, but actually the other way around. He understood the Christian life not so much in terms of emotional security and sensible consolations, but as the 11th chapter of the Epistle to the Hebrews understands it, as a journey into the unknown,, a "venture of faith." Newman wrote:

"If, then, faith be the essence of a Christian life ... it follows that our duty lies in risking upon Christ's word what we have for what we have not; and doing so in a noble, generous way, not indeed rashly or lightly, still without knowing accurately what we are doing, not knowing either what we give up, nor again, what we shall gain; uncertain about our reward, uncertain about our extent of sacrifice, in all respects leaning, waiting upon him, trusting in him to enable us to fulfill our own vows, and so in all respects proceeding without carefulness or anxiety about the future."