College woman's guide to dating: some dos and don'ts to help navigate your way through the campus social scene

AS thousands of college students travel to school this fall, many will discover the new freedoms that go along with campus life. Translation: Your parents won't be around to intervene when that fine Brother majoring in premed begins to flirt with you.

Do you e-mail him your cell phone number? Or do you heed the voice of wisdom and let him pursue you a while longer? It's a new day and African-American women in particular are confronting dating issues on today's very progressive, extremely competitive college campuses. To help guide you through the dos and don'ts of dating, we've asked some savvy college students, a noted author, and an expert on dating and relationships to share their wisdom on the subject.

Don't: Be dismayed by the lack of Brothers on college campuses.

According to the American Council on Education, 1.3 million African-American women and 708,781 African-American men were enrolled in college at both the graduate and undergraduate levels during the 2004-2005 school year. That averages out to 1.9 women for every man on college campuses.

Some women have enrolled at Historically Black Colleges and Universities, secretly hoping that the social scene will be better, although that is not always the case. "I had a so-called boyfriend for six months," says Keisha Robinson, an English/political science double major who attends Fayetteville State University in North Carolina, which has over 6,000 students. "He was younger than I am and maturity was an issue ... There are guys on campus you would see as dateable, but you have to realize that the ratio is like infinity to 1. When you think about it, are you really trying to fight for that one position?"

In the past, many women attended college in order to find their husbands. Today many coeds are resigned to not dating and are focusing solely on their studies due to the lack of available Brothers. "I don't date on campus," says Kristin Mattison, a music education major in her senior year, who dives on campus at FSU. "My priorities lie elsewhere. I am very social and have friends, but I don't date."

Do: Expand your dating pool outside of your campus.

"I don't advise putting all of your eggs into one college basket," says Denene Millner, author of the book, The Sistahs' Rules: Secrets for Meeting, Getting and Keeping a Good Black Man. "It's okay to date men from other colleges and universities and not focus exclusively on your own school." As Millner points out, the experience can enhance a woman's sense of personal mystery.

Don't: Be shy about approaching a Brother you like.

Because there are so many women and so few men in the dating pool, some Sisters have had to take a more aggressive role in approaching a Brother she's attracted to. "You don't have to come out like you are fast, as my mother used to call it," says Millner. "One thing that I've advocated in the book is that women should not be shy about approaching someone they like."

The author gives a tactful way to get to know a man better: Ask to meet him during the day at a place that is well-attended by others. For instance, an invitation to have coffee at a nearby coffee shop during the day doesn't set up the same intimate situation as would a late-night dinner with wine at a fancy restaurant.

However, not every Sister is comfortable asking a guy out. Candace Edwards, a broadcast journalism major at Columbia College Chicago, says that she's not there yet. "You are taught that girls aren't supposed to approach the guy," says Candace. "From a biblical perspective, we're taught that the guy is supposed to find [his] wife."

"Why aren't they asking us out?" poses Jhaid Hall, a college sophomore and film major who admits that he would most likely accept a woman's invitation to have coffee. "Don't wait for me to ask."

According to author and family counselor Rosie Milligan, Ph.D., women have to begin to look at relationships and dating in a new way. She says a college woman should consider going Dutch on dates, since most students are usually on tight budgets. "Everything else in life that women want they go for it" she says. "It [should be] the same approach with a man."

Do: Proceed with caution when dating someone before delving into a relationship.

For acting/dance major Nikki Wells, who also attends Columbia College, it's been difficult to find suitable Brothers to date because of some recurring issues that have left her a bit skeptical. "[Many] are too busy, gay, atheist or weird," says Nikki, who also models professionally. "The other ones feel as though because [Black] women outnumber them, the women have to chase them now. And because more women are secure with their sexuality, men don't have to work hard to get [with] one."

Relationship counselors say women often are eager to get into a relationship and do so before finding out who the guy really is. Most dating counselors agree that it's best to become friends before you become intimately involved with a man.