The new Black father: Black dads are taking their families back and taking responsibility

Boris Kodjoe has a surprisingly simple take on fatherhood.

"Children didn't choose to be here," says the popular actor and married father of two young children. "Therefore, as parents, we have the responsibility to make their start as prosperous as possible. Give them every opportunity to make it to the top."

At a time when fatherhood appears to be a dying calling and an abysmal 80 percent of Black children live a portion of childhood without a father present, it's more important than ever for men to stop making excuses and step up, says Kodjoe, who is the product of a divorced household.

The actor is among a growing group of married and unmarried dads who are familiar with the stereotypes and myths often associated with Black fathers, and they are committed to showing the world that when it comes to their children, they are devoted, dedicated and dependable. No matter the obstacles or circumstances, the so-called "new Black father," like many old-school fathers, is an active part of his children's lives, offering financial and emotional support to ensure their flail development. As Kodjoe says: "Every child has a right to have a mother and a father."

Yet, the statistics detailing the countrywide demise of fatherhood are depressing. Children raised without their dads are more prone to be jailed, obese, lack self-esteem and have substandard education. And it's worse for Black children.

Fatherlessness increases a girl's chances of becoming a teenage mother, suffering abuse and experiencing emotional neglect. Black boys raised without their dads lack the most important role models for how to be Black men and, more importantly, how to father their own children.

Still, amid the depressing figures, there are glimmers of promise. Between 1970 and 2003, single-father families in the United States increased from less than half a million to 2 million, according to the U.S.Census Bureau. Single Black fathers raising children on their own comprise some 353,000, or nearly 16 percent, of single-father households. Several programs for incarcerated dads that teach jailed fathers how to mentor children from inside jail are reporting record interest.

To be sure, the nuclear family in the Black community is never going out of style. Still, it's not uncommon to find men like Kodjoe, who realize their parents' situation does not pre-determine their situation. It's also not uncommon to find men, like Kodjoe, who started families in a nontraditional way and then stuck around to see the finished results. These men are blazing new trails--and trodding old ones--at a time when the American nuclear family seems to be on a decline and more single women are heading households than ever before, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

These then are the untold tales of the new Black fatherhood--stories of men who want their children, care for their children and are providing for their children. These are the stories of men who are bucking the oft-reported mad troubling trend of absentee daddies by providing not just money, but time and emotional support for their legacies.

The Dreamy Daddy

The birth of 5-month-old Nicolas ended nearly two years of pregnancy for actress Nicole Parker who also has a 2-year-old daughter, according to her husband, Boris. In fact, Parker was expecting well before their storybook German wedding in a historic church. Kodjoe, perhaps best known for his recurring role in TV's Soul Food, says that the pregnancy was a "blessing" and the wedding was planned before the conception.

"The marriage was planned and on the books," he says. "We really didn't worry about the timing. Both things are a blessing and however they occur, that's fine with us."

Kodjoe's parenting style also leaves no room for excuses. Sure, his parents were married and divorced twice. And, he spent more time growing up with his White German mother than his Black Ghanaian father, but, he says, that's no reason to think negatively about his own marriage to Parker and his commitment to their children.

For the Kodjoes, this includes creating a loving, trilingual household, where the tittle ones learn dad's native German, mom's English and the nanny's Spanish. It also means making sure the children are confident as well as well-read. Currently, Sophie and daddy are reading her favorite books, the German version of Where the Wild Things Are and anything about Dora the Explorer.

In fact, Kodjoe knew at an early age that he would be a father. Unlike the pre-1950s American family in which the father was seen primarily as a provider and the mother as the stay-at-home nurturer, both of these parents take full responsibility for raising the children. The only thing Kodjoe can't do is breastfeed, he jokes. He also says he's not too bad at doing hair.

"I'm not as ruthless as mommy is because [Sophie] cries and says 'owie,' so I just make a ponytail," Kodjoe says. "I want to expose my child to everything from arts to sports to music. If she wants to go ice-skating, I'll take her ice-skating. I read to my kids a lot. They love books. I'm forming little minds. I want them to be as well-rounded as possible," he adds, further explaining his hopes for his growing children.