Is there a shortage of Black men, or are women just too picky? 'We count Black men, don't we?'

The myth of the "Black male shortage" is the most insidious weapon of mass distraction since the epidemic of Korean hair weaves stitched to the scalps of legions of women of African descent.

Closer to the truth is that Black women have become witting victims of shady statistics. Many unquestionably believe sensational media reports of increasingly long odds against Black women getting married, or even finding a Black boyfriend.

The lie of the shortage of Black men also lives among endless assertions of anecdotal evidence. One common lament: "My friends and I are educated, Black women. We own our homes, cars and have successful careers. However, not one of us has any marriage prospects, so we socialize at one another's homes."

Their disappointment is palpable; however, they are missing one salient point. When today's Black career woman spends 8 to 10 hours at work and her leisure time with girlfriends, it is impossible for her to meet available Black men.

During a recent FlirtingTime.com workshop titled "Debunk the Myths and Lies You Believe About Black Men," I asked a male friend who, by day, is a successful corporate trainer, to trade his three-piece business suit for a janitor's uniform. His job was to sweep near the entrance of the workshop and to cheerfully greet each woman as she entered. Of the 40 Black women in attendance, fewer than 1 percent returned his greeting. After the women were confronted with results of this experiment, I asked, "How can you ignite your social life with men if you refuse to speak to them? Was it the broom that blinded you and numbed your tongue?"

But must a Black woman lower her standards? No. However, she must not ignore the economic realities that affect Black men and women. But if she is hell-bent on marrying a corporate Brother, she might just be waiting a very long time. The number of Black men hired by corporate America is dismal causing many to become self-employed.

Further, some Black women believe that their professional credentials and material possessions make them ideal candidates for marriage. They are not aware that many Black men do not see career achievements as a woman's attractiveness. Instead, it is a woman's softness that attracts men foremost. If she possesses other material attributes, that is great, but he seeks a woman first, not a job title or a land deed.

The shortage-of-Black-men chorus is usually followed by the often-asked question, "Well where are all of the 'good' single Brothers?" The question reflects a woman's hysteria. (Particularly, as 10 healthy, good Black men probably just walked by, but kept moving when they saw Sister-girl having a meltdown.) We all know more than one female friend who is not manless because of any shortage, but because she has issues.

But honorable Black men are not hanging from trees like grapes, or in the "good Black man" aisle of the local supermarket. Nor are they invisible statistics. They have sequestered themselves into safe havens: the barbershop, two or more jobs, financial workshops, community organizing, night school, political campaigns, sporting events or out on the back porch.

After finding Black men, Black women must monitor how they socialize. When planning to attend a social event, grown women will often recruit a few girlfriends. On the other hand, Black men tend to travel solo, or with only one male friend. Thus, when Black women arrive knee-deep with girlfriends, they are frustrated when there are more women than men, fueling their belief of the alleged shortage of Black men.

Let's review. Men of African descent are not limited to America. Black men can also be found in Canada, South America, Africa, Europe, Asia and the Caribbean.

Let's be warm and gracious to the Black men who cross our paths, thereby attracting more. And if there are no Black men in our environment, then self-inventory needs to occur.

COPYRIGHT 2007 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2008 Gale, Cengage Learning