Will I ever get married?

Recent media reports paint Black women as a desperate bunch--too taciturn, too attitudinal, too needy and, to some, perhaps too unattractive to get and keep a husband. Those same reports paint Black men as an unattainable bunch--with no sexual ethics, no career, no education and perhaps too much of a criminal record to attract and keep a wife.

Yet, a growing group of young adults across the country are rejecting those ideas--and other controversial theories--that use statistics to portray a loving relationship as nearly impossible to attain. At the same time, this group is realistic about their hopes and dreams for Black love; they understand the The Cosby Show lifestyle was never promised, only hoped for.

For Los Angeles "it-girl" Tammy Warren, fighting the hype means releasing the negative energy. This 30-something single has girlfriends who can easily recite relationship statistics, ranging from the number of Black marriages ending in divorce to how many men are in prison. Still, she refuses to throw in the towel.

"This Black women not being married [issue] has been a huge focus over the last year," says Warren, publicity director for Magic Johnson Enterprises. "I'm sorry, but you answer to a higher power. You don't answer to the magazines that print out statistics that tell you where you are going to be in a few years."

Still, the numbers are high enough to garner front-page headlines. According to the New York Times, only 30 percent of Black women are living with a spouse. In the 20 years between 1980 and 2000, the percentage of young Black adults age 15 and older that never married "rose substantially, from 28.5 percent to 44.9 percent, according to the Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies. The government has since created a "Healthy Marriage Initiative," which boasts methods to improve two-parent households.

Researchers say it makes sense to find ways to improve the Black marriage rate--if only to increase community wealth and the well-being of children. (Several studies show marriage increases family financial stability and is better for children, particularly boys.)

"Overall, marriage is beneficial for adults, children and families and for Black communities," says Linda Malone-Colon, a Hampton University researcher and psychology professor. "We found the benefits run across the board--socially, economically, in terms of health. Marriage really does matter for African-Americans."

Other researchers point out our obsession with marriage--no matter the race--stems from religious values.

"Our take on it is a peculiarly American take," says Ronald B. Mincy, the Maurice V. Russell Professor of Social Policy and Social Work Practice at Columbia University in New York. "We are a nation of religious immigrants. We have a Judeo-Christian tradition. For us, these moral issues are important."

Monisha Garner, 28, of Lynwood, Calif., has those same "moral issues." She wants to marry and would prefer for her 6-month-old son to have a father in the home. Until that happens, she's making do by herself and not putting her life on hold for a husband.

"I knew I was going to have this big a--wedding, and it was going to be like [the movie] Coming to America," says Garner, a colonic therapist who was seven months pregnant when she separated from her child's father. "This is not where I thought I was going to be."

Now Garner leans on her faith in God and is praying for her happy ending.

"Oh no, I'm going to get it. It just didn't happen in the order it should have happened," she says passionately. "But it's going to happen. I'm going to have that house, that business, more kids and a strong man by my side. I definitely do believe in family. My history and past haven't shaken me so much that I don't want it anymore."

"As I get older, I think 'Am I behind?' But it doesn't make me change focus. At the end of the day the majority of women want to be married, but do I put all of my energy toward it? Of course not."

Tammy Warren, 30-something, publicity director for Magic Johnson Enterprises, Los Angeles

"I grew up in foster homes. It's important for me to rebuild the family. I want to be married. By 30, I think."

Brandon Bishop, 26, student, Chicago

"Being single is great, but at the end of the day, I would love to be with just one somebody. I don't think we take [marriage] as seriously as we should."

Lisa Jackson, 35, claims analyst, Detroit

"Marriage ties people together emotionally and legally. It's relevant because it builds Black communities."

Lateefah Toney 19, Los Angeles, student, Cal State

"I'm looking for the right soul mate. No one wants to be alone for the rest of their life."

David V. Dorsey, 43 sales management, Detroit

"Kids needs to see unity in their family based on the contract of marriage. Black marriage is relevant because it is an extension of our community "