The thruth about soul mates and other relationship myths: even when you find your soul mate, maintaining a relationship takes time, patience and commitment

In Zora Neale Hurston's novel, Their Eyes Were Watching God, the main character, Janie, finds her soul mate in Tea Cake, a younger man she becomes smitten with. After having encountered several Mr. Wrongs, Janie experiences mutual love and respect with Tea Cake, and the book provides us with the hope of finding "the One" in our own lives.

In reality, the notion of finding that one true love, along with other legends surrounding love and relationships, can be tricky, especially if you don't distinguish fact from fiction. To help you do just that, here is clarification on 10 commonly held misconceptions about love, marriage and relationships.

MYTH #1

Every person has one true love or "soul mate."

Truth: A person can have more than one soul mate.

The possibility that there are several potential suitable mates for each of us diminishes the romanticism of that perfect Mr. or Ms. Right. And that may be why many people hold firm to the belief that there is one true love out there for them--somewhere.

"It's possible to have more than one soul mate," says Audrey B. Chapman, a Washington D.C.-based relationship expert and author of Getting Good Loving. "You can have different soul mates in order to have different experiences and at different levels into your life."

Many self-described romantics agree: "In a cynical 21st century, basic core human values like love and respect are not often articulated as something that should be incorporated into every human being's behavior," says Bernard Williams, 55, a media specialist. "We might see a lot more success in our relationships if we start with those simple basic working tools. As for me, I once had a soul mate and I hope to have another. I believe in love."

MYTH #2

Your ideal mate is someone with a personality similar to yours.

Truth: While it's helpful to have a lot in common with your significant other, maintaining one's individuality is important.

"There are differences even in people who are similar," says Dr. Bronwen Millet, a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Washington, D.C. "You [can] create whatever type of relationship you want by working together with your significant other. What I've seen in practice is that couples [who are] committed, willing and able to step out to do the work, have healthier relationships.... Saying that there are too many differences for the relationship to work is an easy way out."

MYTH #3

Love conquers all in a marriage and relationship.

Truth: The concept that love conquers all sounds good in love songs, but you need more than love to sustain a long-term relationship or marriage.

"The truth is [love] is only a starting point ... to survive it needs to be tempered by tolerance, tenacity, humor and humility," says Jeff Williams, 45, an editor in Chicago. "And those things don't always guarantee it will last."

Relationship experts agree that there should be other variables in place to help nurture a healthy relationship. According to Dr. Millet, couples who share common values and maintain a high level of commitment are more successful at making their relationship work. In addition, each person in the relationship has to learn to apply coping skills. These include developing problem solving-abilities, learning how to listen and communicate effectively with regard to your mate, handling anger and stress in a positive manner, and applying patience when needed.

MYTH #4

Each person gives 50-50 in the relationship.

Truth: While most of us are taught that we must give equally in a marriage, it rarely happens.

"Someone can give 30-70 or 60-40," says Chapman. "What matters most is the person who is giving 60 percent isn't resentful of the person who is giving 40 percent." This especially holds true in today's society where traditional male and female roles have become debunked. Some women have assumed the role of the breadwinner, or earn just as much money (or more) than their partner. In addition, men have become more versatile in their roles regarding children and domestic responsibilities.

MYTH #5

I can change my mate over time.

Truth: What you marry is usually what you get.

Too often people embark upon a relationship or marriage with the expectation of changing their partner into the ideal person they want. "To try to change a person is a setup [for a let down]," according to Dr. Millet. "In order to change someone, you have to rework that person, starting from their childhood." Her advice is to get to know the person you are involved with and be able to understand and accept him or her for who he or she is before you commit.

MYTH #6

Getting married is a cure for promiscuity.

Truth: Marriage won't ensure monogamy.

Experts agree that a person who is promiscuous probably has other issues that he or she is trying to avoid and will inevitable bring into the marriage. "You take you with you everywhere you go," says Dr. Millet. "Whether it is sex, drugs, whatever--these are all distractions that have to be addressed before marriage. You can't run from yourself."