Sisters in ministry friends for life: these women of God exhibit a special kind of bond

PROVERBS 27:17 states, "As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend." These women minister-friends exemplify that proverb--they sharpen each other. They are "rev-strs," a colloquialism they coined meaning reverend-sisters--Black women bishops, pastors and preachers who are ministers, sisters and friends.

The 10 women featured have formed a bond stronger than church politics, stronger than time, stronger than petty rivalries. Some are married, some divorced and single, some have no children, others have children and grandchildren.

These are the "second call" friends--the ones called after that difficult first call is received. The "it's cancer," "it's over," "come to the hospital" "come to the morgue" calls. They have each other's back, support each other in hardship and trial, and in one instance, have even co-pastored a church together for more than 30 years.

"The shepherd needs other shepherds" says the Rev. Dr. Claudette Copeland, who adds that women pastors and ministers need female friends in the ministry to keep each other healthy and to keep each other honest. "Women friendship scours out the jealousy and competition that has kept many 'brother pastors' lonely and disconnected."

The ministry can be an incredibly lonely walk, the ministers say, then add to that the differing expectations many in the pews place on women ministers. "We are viewed by our audiences through eyes of illusion, longing, mother-expectation, distorted largesse or caricature," says Rev. Copeland. "Seldom do they allow for the real woman."

That ability to be transparent, letting tears fall where they may, if necessary, is also a boost for ministers who often don't enjoy that kind of freedom in other friendships, often having to be protective of their anointing and maintaining healthy boundaries by guarding their hearts.

"It's important for women in ministry to have friends because after expending all you have on everyone else's troubles, it's good to have friends who know you well enough to notice when the minister needs ministering to, friends who make it possible for you to feel safe in their presence to peel off the clergy collar and to be yourself," says the Rev. Dr. Renita J. Weems. "Perhaps there are some women who have never felt lonely for a friend, but I don't know any. In fact, I've never met a woman who wanted to live life without a girlfriend."

The Rev. Karen Jones says she cherishes her Sister-friends in the ministry because "we can be girls, look each other in the face, and say, "Girl ... or Honey Child ..." Bishop Ernestine Reems-Dickerson says such friendships are a blessing. "I don't care if you get a billion dollars, you still need a friend; and I don't care if you're the poorest person in town, you need a friend," she says.

Through their cherished friendships, the pastors and ministers featured on these pages are renewed to continue to fight the good fight of faith and to serve as shepherds for other weary travelers along the way.

The REV. DR. LUCILLE L. JACKSON (I.) and the REV. DR. ESTHER J. MITCHELL have been friends for more than 40 years and together serve as co-pastors of the J.W. James Memorial A.M.E. Church in Maywood, III. When the women started the church in 1971 in Pastor Mitchell's home, there were 17 members. Initially told they could not be ordained if they didn't organize a church, and then told they couldn't co-pastor a congregation, together the trailblazing pastors have kept the faith, overcoming the obstacles to shepherd their flock. "We have consistent unity," Pastor Mitchell says. "Our creativity is different, but we have one spirit. "Both enjoy an extended-family relationship with each other's children. Pastor Mitchell has been married more than 51 years to her husband, James, and they have three children and numerous grandchildren. Pastor Jackson is divorced and has one daughter. Pastor Jackson thought her speaking gift would lead her to Broadway, while Pastor Mitchell is a nurse by profession, but in the end, God had other plans for their lives. "I've never forgotten the bishop's last words to us: 'Now, you girls, go on back to Maywood and do what the Lord says do,'" Pastor Jackson says. "It's really been a partnership," Pastor Mitchell says. "We're grateful that the Lord has allowed us the privilege of serving Him."

BISHOP ERNESTINE REEMS-DICKERSON (I.), founder and senior pastor of Center of Hope Community Church in Oakland, Calif., and ELDER CATHY W. MOFFITT, president and founder of Heartfelt International Ministries in Ft. Worth, Texas, share a unique "Naomi and Ruth" relationship, in which an older woman mentors a younger woman. Both women enjoy walking, and so they often share deep discussions during their regular walks. "I'm not ashamed of being 76. I firmly believe that God leaves us here and allows us to mature and age so that we can help the younger women," Bishop Reems-Dickerson says. "Cathy is very attractive, educated and has a lot of charisma. She is going to be a great woman of God in the years to come ... her destiny is greatness." Elder Moffitt says the Bishop is one of her strongest supporters and encouraged her when she left a lucrative corporate position more than four years ago to pursue full-time ministry. "I'm sitting at her feet, and she is helping me to build a legacy from her legacy." Elder Moffitt adds that the Bishop gave her premarital counseling 13 years ago, and when the bishop remarried after being widowed, Moffitt and her husband gave her a bridal shower. "It was because of her experience, her pain, her troubles and yet her triumphs and victories that she was able to encourage me and have something to back it up," says Elder Moffitt.