Expert advice on love and relationships

Q My wife and I have been married for more than two years. To spice up our sex life, I've suggested that we try anal sex. My wife refused and lately I find myself thinking about having sex with other women. I'm afraid I can't remain faithful too much longer.

--Ready to Jump Ship

A So you are willing to abandon your marriage because your wife will not have anal sex? It is clear that you want to make anal sex your excuse to be unfaithful. There are many ways to spice up your sex life, but it seems that you are not willing to explore other options. Would you be willing to allow your wife to bring another man into your bedroom to spice things up? My guess would be "No!" If you want to end the marriage, at least have the maturity to admit it to yourself and your wife so that you can both move on. If this is not the case, then you and your wife should talk about ways to spice up your sex life, ways that are acceptable to both of you. Watch movies together. Go on a date. Act out your fantasies. Sometimes these things not only spark conversation but also imaginations.

Q I'm a single mother and suspect that my 6-year-old son may be gay. I don't know where to turn. I cry a lot because I don't know what to do. Some of the kids in our neighborhood see him outside playing and they call him gay. He runs to me and I defend him. I really need someone to talk to. My son needs a good male role model. I can't talk to my family. Please, please help me.

--Don't Know What to Do

A Whatever your son's sexuality turns out to be, it is important that you realize that you are not responsible for it. It's natural for parents to blame themselves for what they feel has gone wrong with their children. Research shows there are many reasons for a person's sexual orientation. Since your son is still very young and has not admitted to you (or to himself) that he is gay, you may be worrying prematurely. Find a professional counselor, pastor or therapist to talk about your feelings and concerns. While counseling won't give you an exact answer about your son's sexuality, it will help you get it in perspective. Finally, remember: You cannot choose the road that your son takes in life. The most you can do is to put him on the right path and provide good examples and positive male role models. Find a male mentor for your son. Find programs that place young boys with a "big brother" mentor. Give your son a strong spiritual foundation and exposure to individuals you trust and admire in your family and personal circle.

Q I've been divorced for 15 years, and all I seem to attract is married men. I have been in a relationship for 12 years. My mother had an affair with a married man for 20 years, and so did her sisters and my sister. I also have other female relatives who have had affairs with married men. I'm so grateful that my daughter has not fallen into this trap. Why am I and other women in my family getting tied up with married men? I'm 48 and would like to find a nice, single or divorced man to have to myself. What can I do about this?

--Tired of Married Men

A What you can do immediately is stop dating married men. End the long-term relationship you currently are in and refuse to date a man until you are certain he is not married or otherwise attached. No one can make you take this life-altering step. Only you have the power to save yourself from a lifetime of dead-end relationships. It seems that the younger generation of women in your family have followed your female role models, and in this case, that is not a good thing. It's easy to fall into the trap of money, gifts and attention that some married men can bestow, but such relationships are wrong and seldom lead to anything but heartache and loneliness. You are to be commended for wanting to break this pattern. Now take the next big step and actually do it?

COPYRIGHT 2006 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2008 Gale, Cengage Learning