Don't take love, or your loved one, for granted

I'm as guilty as anyone, perhaps more than most. At times, we all take those we love, and those who love us the most, for granted. This Valentine's Day, let's mend our nonchalant ways. It's true that a good man is hard to find, but many of us value too lightly the good men that we have.

For example, while recently bed-ridden with a nasty virus, I lashed out at the one who was trying to care for me. He made me soup, brought me tea, changed my bedding and otherwise tried to make me comfortable and help me get well. Yet, I was irritable and impatient. I couldn't understand why he didn't check on me more often, why he didn't bring me fresh water more quickly, why he made so much noise in the other room. (The loud music really was aggravating my achy head.)

Why, when he returned from the grocery store (and he hates shopping), he didn't prepare my food more quickly. I could hear him in the kitchen running water, putting away the groceries, moving pots and pans. But I wanted something to drink, and I wanted it right then. I was too weak to call his name loudly enough for him to hear me. I waited, and waited. And waited. Five minutes passed. Two more minutes passed. So I dragged my miserable body from the bed to the kitchen. He ignored the dirty look I threw his way and said, pleasantly: "Honey, I was just washing your fruit and warming you some soup. I could have gotten that water for you." He helped me back to bed.

It was the bug's fault. I'm usually not so difficult. The man was doing the best he could. Actually better than most. I have much for which to be thankful. Not every woman is blessed to have someone to tend to her needs during such down times. And there I was acting like Miss B- when the man was actually being caring, nurturing and sensitive to my needs. Aren't these the characteristics women say they want and need in a man?

That same evening I apologized and thanked him for taking such good care of me. But that episode reminded me how often we women take the good men in our lives for granted. Many of my guilty Sisters do so on a daily basis, not just when they lay low with a virus.

One lady I know never has anything good to say about her husband. To her girlpals, he is a handsome mate who has a good job and loves the ground she walks on. Her envious girlfriends, most of whom are single and desperately looking, view her as having a sex partner, an escort, a soul mate, a confidant. Let her tell it, she only has a "pain in the butt." When she is chastised for never having a good word to say about the man, she retorts: "You want him, you can have him!" We wonder how she would respond if someone really tried to take her good man.

That happened to another Sister who took her partner for granted for a long time. The Brother got tired of taking care of the arrogant woman who showed no appreciation for his hefty paycheck and gentle ways. He'd take her on wonderful vacations, buy her furs and jewelry and go out of his way to be supportive of her career and dreams. She treated him badly--to his face and behind his back. Finally he got fed up and left. She told her friends that "he'd come crawling back." He didn't. Another woman stepped in and made him feel appreciated.

Every man is not a keeper, but a lot of good men get tossed out with the trash by women who take them for granted. Think about your relationship. When is the last time you told your man that you love him, that you appreciate him and all that he does for you and the family?

This Valentine's Day, make a vow to do better. In the South we say, "You don't miss your water 'til the well runs dry." We all could do a better job of helping to keep the love stream flowing in a positive and loving direction.

COPYRIGHT 2006 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2008 Gale, Cengage Learning