The importance of being a gentleman in not-so-gentle times: for many young men today, life is about "acting hard, having attitude and swagger"

My father taught me that an essential part of manhood is being a gentleman. But in these times, with fewer role models, it is tougher for young men to cultivate such qualities.

My work over the last 20 years has been teaching professional athletes from the National Basketball Association, Major League Baseball, National Hockey League and National Football League life skills. I tell them that being a professional requires skills other than athleticism, including being a gentleman. I try to give basic rules to help these guys step up their life game. And when it's time to access their inner gentleman, the following can help:

FIRST, LOOK LIKE A GENTLEMAN. Self-respect is the name of the game. Good grooming is a sign that you respect yourself.

Be clean and neat, and strive to make a good first impression.

BE COURTEOUS AND RESPECTFUL. Walk up to a woman and look into her eyes. Then speak--words not sounds--no clearing the throat or other sounds. Don't panic. Take a deep breath and speak clearly with interest. Be interested in things other than getting her into bed. Women are fired of men who have only one thing on their mind.

CONVERSE AND LISTEN. Introduce yourself to a woman and have some real conversation planned. Smooth lines work for some, but sincere conversation is gold. Ask follow-up questions and really listen to her responses.

SAY HER NAME. REMEMBER TO USE NAMES. No honey, baby, etc., during the early days of dating. Use her name, then she knows she is not some interchangeable "shorty." Of course, over time, nicknames abound.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

MAKE INTRODUCTIONS. If you are with a friend, especially of the opposite sex, and you run into someone, make sure you introduce her. If you only know her first name, that's fine. The woman is introduced first. Women tend to think you don't introduce them because you are ashamed, or are trying to "mack" the other gal. Stop frontin'.

AVOID PROFANITY! It's just not attractive. And slang like "my man," "dude" and "dawg" in an office or professional environment is out of bounds. And the N-word never was and never will be a compliment.

NO NEED TO OFFEND. Don't say offensive things. She is a woman; she is not an h-word or b-word.

SHOW GENEROSITY. That means taking care of those who take care of you--the one who parks your car, brings the vino, the steaks and dry cleaning. Let her sec you tip appropriately, or even better, more. It sends the signal that you will be generous with her.

A GENTLEMAN APOLOGIZES, We all make mistakes or have moments when we lose our composure. Accept responsibility for these moments.

DON'T BETRAY HER CONFIDENCE. If your gentlemanly moves advance your relationship--whether it is a kiss at the end of a night or more--then remember that a gentleman never tells. It's not a game, so play-by-play is out of bounds.

The word "gentleman" is defined as "a man of distinction." Some simple steps can make you a standout, and we need more gentlemen to lead our boys into real manhood.

BY ZACHARY MINOR

LIFE-SKILLS COACH FOR PRO ATHLETES

COPYRIGHT 2008 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2008 Gale, Cengage Learning