Kirk & Tammy Franklin: speak out on love, family and overcoming his addiction to pornography

IT came as a bombshell from the unlikeliest person--and it left Black America wondering how it could happen. After Kirk Franklin confessed on national television that he once had an addiction to pornography, there was a collective gasp from admirers who couldn't figure out why the Grammy Award-winning gospel artist and self-proclaimed "choir boy" chose to tell the world about such personal business. But for Franklin and his wife, Tammy, that appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show was just another step along the journey of their marriage.

Now, a year later, Franklin and his wife say that his confession to Tammy has strengthened their marriage, and his confession to the world has helped others afflicted with similar addictions and marital problems.

Yes, Tammy Franklin was hurt and angry; yes, she was disappointed that her husband resorted to risque photographs for personal enjoyment, but she says the fact that her husband confided in her about his problem drew them even closer and has helped build and sustain their loving marriage and relationship. "For him to tell me, to trust me, it brought us closer," Tammy says in an exclusive interview in Dallas, their hometown. "We always pride ourselves on being friends, and I think it made us even closer as friends. As a woman it taught me that he needed a safe place to fall--on me.

"I would say that our lesson collectively was that we can get through anything, we can talk about anything. It showed me that I really can trust him. That's what it taught me. I'm amazed at how much more I love him. You know, you think, 'Can I love him more?' It's like as the years progress and you go through trials and you go through what we went through, and other things, whether it involves the children or heartache ... I love this man today more than the day that we stood before our parents and God, and it's just amazing. It just shows me how love is ever growing, ever changing."

During a leisurely afternoon at a Dallas photography studio, both Franklin and his wife demonstrated Southern hospitality and talked freely with EBONY about their marriage, their family, their love for each other and how they have overcome his former promiscuity and addiction to pornography that started, he says, when he was a child. Their love and devotion were on full display with tender touches and hugs. When Kirk saw Tammy after she had gotten her hair styled and makeup done, his jaw dropped as he grabbed his wife and showered her with compliments.

The youthful-looking couple, both 36, recently celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary, and are parents of four children: Kerrion, a college freshman (his from a teen relationship); Carrington, a high school senior (hers from a teen relationship); Kennedy, a fourth-grader; and Caziah, who just celebrated his 6th birthday. They emphasize they are just "Kirk and Tammy," that the fact that he has eight gold and platinum CDs, has sold 11 million records and has greatly influenced gospel music take a backseat to their role as husband and wife, and as parents.

Whereas Tammy grew up in a large family with both parents, Kirk was reared by his elderly aunt in Fort Worth. He showed exceptional musical talent and played piano as a child and was musical director for his church before he was a teen. Despite his talent, his childhood was plagued by self-doubt and low self-esteem, he says, for he recalls, at age 13, hearing his birth mother say "she didn't want me, that she wanted an abortion." (He turned that painful experience into lyrics for his "Imagine Me" and "Let It Go" songs on his Hero CD.)

"It's just amazing the things that can happen to a boy when he doesn't get the affirmation and the love he needs from his mother and father. And I never got that," Franklin says. "So the abandonment that I felt as a kid just made a young boy very promiscuous." He explains that during his summers "in the 'hood," he picked up habits and pastimes that included "a little stash of magazines" that belonged to older brothers or uncles of his playmates. They became his companion, and he says that he became "sexual" at age 9 or 10. "So at a very, very young age I was introduced to things that were very painful for me and became a very strong addiction for me when I was a little boy" Franklin adds.

At first, Franklin says, he didn't realize it was wrong, for he was aware that there are "a lot of grown men, even grown men in the church" who are very casual about sex. "Being with more women gives you more respect; it gives you more bragging points; you get to tell more ghetto stories," he says in an effort to explain the mentality. He went to a minister for counseling, but was told that he would grow out of it. "So things that other men enjoyed were killing me. Things other men took pride in were killing me. I knew I had a problem very early on when I was a young teenager. I could tell that it was beating something deep into me, beating that hole of loneliness and emptiness."