5 questions for: Tonya Pinkins

Fourteen years ago, actress Tonya Pinkins surpassed even her loftiest dreams. She won a Tony Award in 1992 for her Broadway performance in Jelly's Last Jam. She was in top physical shape. She was married to the love of her life and had beautiful children. Her home was a veritable showcase. Suddenly it all came to an end with a crescendo-like flourish. She divorced and became a single morn who struggled to find work and depended on welfare to survive. But she clawed her way back to the top. Today the 43-year-old actress, who has been featured on ABC's All My Children, instructs a workshop that helps performers deal with "the psychology of success" and teaches them to let go of insecurity. She has written an inspirational and motivational book, Get Over Yourself! How to Drop the Drama and Claim the Life You Deserve, for people from all walks of life. In an interview with Ebony, Pinkins talks about the book, and tells us how she reclaimed her life and how you can, too, in this New Year.

1. What led you to write this book?

An editor from Hyperion books sat in on my class and asked if it was only for actors. I explained that the class is for everyone, but I initially geared it toward actors because many are unsuccessful in the business of running their lives.

2. Tell us about the process of writing Get Over Yourself: How to Drop the Drama and Claim the Life You Deserve.

It was simple. It's all about self-discovery and figuring out how we exist in the world, and changing that so that the world starts changing around us. It's as simple as finding words like "I get to do this" instead of "I have to do this." When someone offers you a compliment, take a moment to stand in agreement with him or her and say, "That's true. Thank you." When you want to move something out of your life, start by no longer thinking about it. Stop telling those stories. You can choose to stop reliving the past. When you stop energizing the story, it goes away.

3. Do you think a lot of the drama we experience in our lives is self-imposed?

There is drama in the world and then there is our response to it, which is our personal drama. We can let go of drama by putting a positive face on it. That's not denying something terrible has happened, but it's an awareness that some good can emerge from tragedy ... Watch your words and receive the good that is right therefor you. Catch yourself the next time you want to tell that she-he-done-me-wrong story. Don't tell it. The key is to have a little drama in your life, but to keep changing it. Have it for a minute. Play the role once and then move on.

4. In the book, you talk about experiencing some incredible losses in your life. What happened? And how has that made your life different from 14 years ago?

My morn suffered from mental illness, but I didn't know it until I was much older. So a lot of the ways I learned to interact with people was not based on reality. As a result, in all of my relationships, I kept recreating the chaotic world in which I was raised. I lost a lot because of it ... I never smoked, drank or took drugs, but I walked into relationships and friendships with crazy, deceitful and dangerous con people. Learning how not to do that has been a lifelong learning process. It's required me to learn that the broken beer bottle in the mud is just a broken beer bottle in the mud. It's not something I can piece together and turn into a beautiful vase filled with flowers.

5. What's up next for you?

I'm focusing on my children, and I'm writing a new book. I hope there is a place for me on talk television. It's our biggest form of communication today.

COPYRIGHT 2006 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2008 Gale, Cengage Learning