New you in a new year: practical strategies for bouncing back when life gets you down

TAKE a deep sigh. 2005 is o-v-e-r! That means the drama, mistakes and heartaches are all in the past--if you let them stay there. It's time to press on to create a new, happier you.

Maybe this is the time to take a look in the mirror. Are you in a rut? Start climbing out by getting a new hairdo, regularly hitting the gym and losing a few pounds. It can do wonders for your energy and self-esteem.

Maybe it's also time to ask yourself whether or not you are your own worst enemy. What's holding you back? Are you living your dreams and passions? Do you have a written game plan for overcoming obstacles and life's disappointments to reach a higher vision for yourself and family?

Life coaches and mental health professionals offer practical strategies to help you answer these questions so you can triumph in 2006.

When your dreams hit a brick wall, evaluate and let go, advises Michelle McKinney Hammond, a Chicago-based life coach and author of Release the Pain, Embrace the Joy. Next, take inventory of where you are and review the tools you already have to reinvent yourself. "Ask yourself, 'What are my other options?'" Hammond advises. "Just because that dream didn't pan out doesn't mean all things won't pan out. It could be a divine signal that it wasn't a good God-based decision for you. God causes delays to get us to re-evaluate the vision, to tighten it up and redefine it to make it a bigger blessing to others as well as to yourself."

Dr. Nathan Hare, a clinical psychologist/sociologist and chairman of the Black Think Tank, a San Francisco-based research group, advises people to determine whether external or internal factors caused their dreams to shatter. "The problem might be the people you associate with, or it may be a behavioral problem," he says.

You must acknowledge the disappointments and deal with the pain in your life to begin emotional healing, advises certified life coach Bill Campbell, founder of CampbellQuest, Ltd. Campbell, who is also a Chicago television personality. Campbell encourages clients to work through adversity to realize hidden potential. "Ask yourself what you could have done differently. Learn from the situation and determine if you can incorporate the lessons into yet another dream," he says.

When people disappoint you, don't take it personally, says Hammond. "Consider the person and realize that people are human, have weaknesses and make mistakes. Your next move is to move on. Don't be a victim of the situation."

The power of forgiveness works wonders to turn situations around, says life coach Valorie Burton, author of What's Really Holding You Back and Listen to Your Life. By doing so, Burton says people can regain greater freedom, calmness and control over their lives. It creates a platform to make more satisfying decisions.

It also doesn't hurt to talk it out. "Stopping the discourse is the enemy of understanding," Hare says. "You need to air out differences and become skillful at discussing problems. Establish rules of the game in the relationship. "

Current events about war make many people anxious and uncertain about the future. Campbell reminds people to respond rather than react. "Our greatest weapon is the power of choice," he says. "We don't have to live in fear if we take responsibility for our happiness. Rid anxiety by choosing to do something positive that makes a difference with you, your family and community. Help others."

Other strategies include limiting the time devoted to watching television, making each day count, and spending quality time with friends and family. "While we must be sober about the realities that exist today, we can't allow ourselves to take any day for granted," Hammond says. "Here's a perfect time to renew faith in yourself and your children. Parents have to instill "in their children that there is hope for tomorrow."

Among life's top catastrophic events, divorce crushes families and futures. To find love again requires that people be open to meeting new friends and be willing to take a risk, says Campbell. "We can hurt from past relationships, or we can respond to good things that may be in front of us," he says. "The difference between the people who find love and those who don't is that those who do [find love] took a risk."

Burton suggests being honest and considering how your actions contributed to the breakdown. "Don't sugarcoat anything," she says. "At the same time, and as difficult as it may be, forgive yourself and others."

Before hooking up again, Hare advises people to focus on themselves inside and out. Get a new hairdo, a new outfit, take a new course, start an exercise program to lose weight. "Begin to feel good again," he encourages. "Don't jump back into a relationship too soon. Many relationships keep failing because people keep choosing a substitute too quickly. Step aside for a while and help yourself, and get professional help if necessary. As you regroup, help yourself by helping others."