Why some brothers only date whites and `others'

SISTERS, hold on to your Afro puffs--according to The latest trend in dating and mating, some Black men are sidestepping single Black women at an increasing rate, and choosing instead, to court, date and marry White, Hispanic. Asian and "Other" women.

But there's no need to preach to the choir. Chances are, you may have witnessed this Black man/non-Black woman phenomenon at the shopping mall, in the grocery store, at the company function, at the movies, at the restaurant, at the basketball game, or even in the pews. You can't escape it even in your own home, where you see an endless display of the White, Asian, Hispanic or multicultural woman positioned as the Black man's object of desire in movies, commercials, sitcoms and music videos.

The numbers tell the tale: According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 1994, there were 296,000 Black-White married couples, and 78,000 Black/other-than-White couples: in 1997 (latest data available) there were 311,000 Black-White married couples and, of those, 201,000 were comprised of a Black husband and White wife. Data is no longer kept on Black/other-than-White couplings, yet some estimate that today nearly 12 percent of married Black men have mates of another race.

Some say seeing a Brother with a non-Black woman at his side is common in major cities such as St. Paul-Minneapolis, or Des Moines, Iowa, where interracial couples have long thrived. But a sharp increase in the number of Black man/non-Black woman relationships has become just as common in Black metropolises around the country, in major cities such as Atlanta, New York, Detroit and Chicago.

Conventional wisdom attributes the increase in cross-racial relationships to various factors, including the breakdown of school and residential segregation and the 1967 overthrow of the last laws barring intermarriage in the states.

Michael Baisden, author of God's Gift to Women, says there are some problematic reasons as to why some Brothers are looking for love outside the 'hood.

According to Baisden, the physical qualities some Brothers are looking for--long hair, light eves, pale or caramel skin tone--describe women of Asian, Hispanic or multiracial descent, who are, some say, the new "flavors of the month" for S-O-M-E Black men.

Almost all women, and more than a few relationship experts, say these arguments are rationalizations for the real reason. Nor are they overwhelmed by the long hair, "White" features argument, saying among other things, that in the age of the great weave, long hair is a buyable option and that the Sister-image of soft features, luscious lips, and braided hair is the hottest thing going on the fashion scene. After all, they add, White women are shooting up, puffing up and padding up to get the lips and behinds that are standard features in the Sister model. It should also be noted that the Sister is in increasing demand and that a substantial part of the increase in Black-White relationships involve Black women and White men. This, incidentally, is a strong argument for the notion that Brothers and Sisters need to come on back home and compare notes.

Chicago-area construction worker Malcolm Woodhouse, 40, says he prefers to date exotic women because "they are more sensual" and he travels to Brazil several times a year because "the women cater to the man, and they are nicer."

What about the sweetness and light argument? A cosmopolitan Brother who has dated almost every color and creed says there is some truth in this, but that it is not the whole truth or even the most important truth. Sisters are not Barbie Dolls; nor should anyone expect them to be. They are strong in general--they had to be--but they come in different strengths and flavors, and everybody who knows anything about the subject--great Black poets, great Black blues singers, great Black Preachers--says you have to bring sweetness to get sweetness.

What then is the problem? Many experts say the answer is increasing contact across color lines and a strange revival of the forbidden fruit syndrome.

Suddenly, just when the Black woman has grown accustomed to seeing the pick of the litter--Black architects, athletes, television personalities, supreme court justices, and so on--with the blonde bombshell at his side, she now has to face the new reality of red, tan, yellow and brown competitors.

This new reality is leading some Sister-girls to ask themselves on those lonely Saturday nights, "What's really going on in the minds of some Brothers?"

"There is a lot of interracial dating here in Los Angeles, and for me, the pickings are really slim because my competition is Black women, White women, Asian women, Puerto Rican women, you name it," says Shante, a 29-year-old publicist, who is drop-dead gorgeous by any standard, yet "perpetually dateless."

Shante has flawless ebony skin, a neat short-cropped Afro, full lips, a well-defined waistline, and long, shapely legs. Yet, Shante says she's virtually invisible to the Black men on the L.A. dating scene.