New year, new goal, new peace - For Brother Only

EACH January, I, like most other folks, make New Year's resolutions. And, I, like most other folks, very rarely stick to them. But this year, I've decided to make only one resolution. That's right, just one. But it's one that--if I pull it off--could change my life forever.

This resolution is nothing like the others I've made in past years, ones that usually dealt with my outwardly appearance. I'm not losing weight this year. I'm not trying to eat any better. And no, I'm not going to exercise anymore than I already do. Been there. Done that.

This year, I'm taking a new route, an inside route, to happiness. This New Year, I'm resolving to take a closer look at my insides, my personality traits--emotions, feelings and characteristics--in an attempt to find something that has evaded me all of my life.

What I'm looking for inside of me is one of the most powerful things a Brother can possess. Tap into its enormous strength, and you become balanced, centered, calm and whole. You can't buy it in a store. You can't order it online. No one can give it to you, not even your lady. In fact, it's so elusive that many of us spend much of our lives searching for it. Some of us will eventually find it. Others never will.

But it's inside of me. It's inside all of us. Somewhere buried behind our machismo, our anger, and our fear; somewhere buried behind our pretentiousness, our ego, our animosity, and our hostility; somewhere buried behind our envy and our dismay is our inner peace.

It has always been inside of us, waiting for each of us, in our own way, to find it. But to find inner peace, you have to give it a reason to come out of hiding, to take up visible residence inside of you. It's a part of our being that few of us ever give much thought to. Perhaps because, unlike raw emotions that we wear on our sleeve, emotions that are waiting to make themselves known at the slightest provocation, inner peace has to be sought out, coaxed out of its hibernation spot deep within us. It arrives with little fanfare. In fact, it has a way of sneaking up on you. And unlike other states of being, it will not make an appearance until it's sure you're ready for it. Because when it comes, when it really comes, it usually comes to stay, providing you with a warmth that no one or nothing can damper.

This year, I want to experience that warmth, the kind of warmth that mama and grandma have, the kind that calms my spirit, soothes my soul, gives me a sense of detachment from troubles or distractions in the outside world. Because I know that when I find my inner peace, the knuckleheads out there won't get on my nerves. Friends, neighbors and family won't be able to rile me up. When I find my inner peace, it won't let me get too high about my successes, or too low about my missteps.

There have been times when I thought I had stumbled upon this level of self-awareness. But it left with the arrival of a new dilemma, the latest crisis. Looking back on it, I'm convinced that I scared it off. My personality wasn't ready to give into it. Too much ego, perhaps. Too much pride at times. Too much self-pity. Too much player. Too much player-hating. You see, back then, those common emotions told me whether or not I was going to have a good day, a good week, whether I felt good about myself, my life.

There are many Brothers, too many, guided (or rather misguided) by similar emotions, especially those of us who have been hardened by life's injustices, disconnected from our inner selves by society's dogged ways. But this year, I've reached a turning point in my life. I've come to realize that, just as much as any Sister, just as much as any person of any race, education, social or economic level, I deserve to have inner peace, an unshakeable connection with my beliefs, my faith and myself.

Sure, it's a deeply personal concept, but one that any Brother can grasp naturally by simply breaking down his being, tuning up and realigning his priorities and his emotions in an attempt to get everything that's out of check back in check. It starts with knowing who you are and what you want out of life. It starts with loving yourself, respecting yourself. It starts with realizing that things aren't going to always go right, realizing that some things are beyond your control. But when you're at peace with yourself, you'll have the strength to keep going, to defuse situations without getting frustrated and angry.

This New Year, you can call me fat and ugly if you want. When it's all said and done, that superficial stuff doesn't matter. For me, it's now all about how good my insides look.

COPYRIGHT 2003 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group