A manhunt for maleness - For Brothers Only

I was in a coffee shop the other day when I was taken aback by the Brother in front of me. He was about 6 foot 5,240 pounds. He looked like a linebacker. But it wasn't his looks that got my attention. It was his choice of drink.

You see, I was there to order a cup of coffee, black, strong, robust. But this Brother's drink request was anything but strong and robust. In fact, his order was so fancy that it took him what seemed like 10 minutes to rattle it off. Did the Brother make a special trip to the coffee shop to order a "triple mocha latte frappachino double shot espresso with heavy whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkles on top" (blah, blah, blah), or was the order placed in the heat of the moment? Was it an order of passion, or a premeditated act with reckless disregard to perception?

"What the--," I thought to myself as this Brother took his drink and delicately sipped it on his way out the door.

Is this what men have turned into? Perhaps, but it shouldn't be surprising that we men today are primarily thwarted in many ways. We live in cramped cities, wear pressed clothes, labor in chatty confining workplaces, where we gossip all day with female co-workers. We are controlled by rule-bound bureaucracies, completely cut off from nature. Where men of old-found autonomy had a sense of self in roles of tribal chief, hunter, commander, captain and warrior, more and more Brothers today are finding a sense of self at the bottom of a $5 cup of frou-frou coffee.

Gradually being transformed into passive and submissive individuals, we spend our time worrying about our waistline, calorie count and carbohydrate intake. We get manicures, pedicures and facials. We do aerobics, wear colored contact lenses, do yoga and take "power naps."

I'm not suggesting we go back to the days when guys ate, drank and smoked with complete abandon. Of course, men should exercise, eat right and live right. But at the same time it wouldn't hurt to hold on to the essence of manliness.

Where are the meat-and-potatoes kind of guys? Where are the men who can fix a flat, change the oil in their car? Where are the symbols of masculinity, men who are not slaves to fashion, not overly concerned about their looks? Where are men who can throw on an old pair of jeans and a T-shirt and be good for the day?

Of course, I don't expect all men to be carefree grunts, just as I don't expect all women to be cute, sweet butterflies. But has the man's man gone forever? Has he grabbed his hard hat and work boots and left the building?

I heard about a group of scientists recently who created what they said was the "perfect" male face, a computer-generated photograph of a man with large expressive eyes, set in a smooth-skinned symmetrical face, a straight nose and rounded hair and jawline. Their work on this perfect man was based on their finding that modern women want men with caring feminine traits rather than more macho markings.

So, many women would rather have a baby-faced pretty boy who spends every free moment primping than one with pockmarks and a mustache? Scientists may call it evolution, but I don't think that women necessarily enjoy jockeying with men for salon appointments.

Maybe it's too late to launch an all-out manhunt for maleness. Maybe it's too late to stop the flood of guys who now take comfort in their softer side. I don't know, but one thing is for sure: The concept of masculinity--for better or worse--has changed forever, and is as muddied as the coffee concoction the Brother ordered the other day.

COPYRIGHT 2004 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2004 Gale Group