Survival skills for 'RBGs' - real Black girls - Sister Speak

JUST keep on livin'. That's what old grandmothers used to tell smart-mouthed Black girls who thought they knew everything or had seen everything. Ironically, living or surviving is still the No. 1 issue facing all women. A recent survey of American women revealed a startling statistic: 92 percent of American women say reducing domestic violence and sexual assault is their top priority. This comes ahead of equal pay for equal work, child care, improving women's health care, abortion rights and getting more women elected to political office. Women today are worried about simple survival, in ways that our Sisters from past years were not.

But Black women have always had the habit of surviving. In fact, we come here ready to survive. Neonatal specialists will tell you that the Black female infant is a survivor. The Black female premature infant has a higher survival rate than White infants, male or female, and a slightly higher rate of survival than Black male preemies, according to experts.

So what does it take to survive? Knowing that the world is hard and will give nothing without a fight. My paternal great-grandmother, Lucy Johnson Reed, is legendary in my family. She was a survivor. A no-nonsense woman, she ruled her household with a firm hand. Although her friends and some relatives couldn't believe it, she moved her large family out of the country--where they had a 200-acre farm with a pond full of fish--into Jackson, Miss., so her children could get an education. She educated them all and was proud to proclaim, "I don't have a bum in the bunch."

When her Jackson, Miss., home caught fire and the fire department was called, there was no immediate response. Her daughter says today that she waited about 45 minutes for a response, and then told one of her sons, "Put the ladder on the house, and when I get halfway up, hand me that hose." She was dressed in her Sunday-go-to-meeting clothes, but went up the ladder in her high-heeled church shoes and put out the fire. By the time the fire department arrived, the fire was out and Miss Lucy was putting on her hat and leaving for church. Her motto: "God helps those who help themselves."

Blues legend Etta James told me even today some of her own family members question her desire to continue touring and performing, asking why she "is still singing the blues." She recently--at over age 60--had a major operation to allow her to continue to perform. You can't listen to everybody, she says, and when you know you're right, you have to press on. Even when it looks bad, don't turn back. Too many of us give up when the victory is in sight. Harriet Tubman said you either go forward or die. Sojourner Truth said every tub has to sit on its own bottom. There are few easy decisions in life, but for the RBGs (Real Black Girls), with apologies to Erykah Badu, surviving often begins with the decision to survive.

So what does it take to survive?

Surviving begins with a decision to speak out. Review history and it's easy to see where silence equals destruction. Surviving begins with a decision to say no. We Black women routinely do the impossible for the ungrateful, and it raises our blood pressure and shortens our lives. Sometimes we need to re-energize and relax. We must realize, as a popular female pastor has said, that 'No' is a complete sentence, and if you want to be nice, add 'thank you' behind it."

There's power in survival--power to fulfill your destiny, see your dreams realized and to school your children's children. Maya Angelou wrote, "Surviving is important, thriving is elegant." Let's survive and thrive, with style.

COPYRIGHT 2003 Johnson Publishing Co.
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