Stop wishing! Do something: 9 ways to get the man you want

He was tall, dark, handsome and seemingly by himself when Chancy Brewer noticed her future beau. From across a crowded room, she made eye contact with the chocolate hunk, smiled and teasingly waved "hello." When he returned her attention-getting smile, Brewer approached the sexy Brother, Bertram Law, and initiated a conversation. Seven months later, the two are inseparable, proving that there is power when a woman knows what she wants and goes after it.

You, too, can turn the head of the man you want, or you can get closer to the Brother you have by following these nine easy steps:

1. Determine What Satisfies You. "You have to be realistic and honest about the qualities you want in a man," says Denene Millner, author of In Love and War (coauthored with husband Nick Chiles). "If honesty is important, write it down. If trust is important, write it down. If his ability to treat you like a lady is a priority, then put that right at the top," Millner adds. "Once you've got that list, you can be more clear about who it is you're looking for and the places you might be able to find him."

2. Present A Picture Worth Looking At. No matter how wonderful you are on the inside, it's the outside that a Brother sees first. "Physical attraction is the first thing that captures my attention," says 30-year-old contracts representative Ryan Johnson. "But at the same time, a woman who is trying too hard to be seen is a turnoff. You can't take that type of woman home to meet your mom," he adds. "But even if a Sister is really fine, she doesn't become sexy until she opens her mouth. Once you hear what a woman has to say, that's when the attraction really starts."

3. Take The First Step. Make eye contact with your guy, initiate conversation with a compliment and use your confidence to your advantage. "You might be shy on looks or other qualities, but if you sell yourself, someone will buy," says 29-year-old finance manager Darren Rodgers. "A confident woman is a sexy woman. Confidence shows assurance, certainty and a belief in what you have to offer."

Law admits that he was impressed by the confidence of his significant other. "I thought that she was beautiful and I was impressed by her initiative. I'm glad that she made the first move."

4. Let Your Body Speak. Without ever saying a word, show your guy that you're interested. A lighthearted touch during conversation, a playful toss of your hair at dinner, or casually crossing your legs while sitting beside him can speak volumes. "Your body can be your best asset, no matter the size, shape or form," says Chancy Brewer. "It's the manner in which you use it, and the subtle movements you make, that allow you to use your femininity to your advantage."

5. Take It Slowly. "You can't get to know someone by rushing. It takes time to get comfortable enough so that you feel good about opening up," says Marissa Vance, recently married to the man of her dreams. "The closer you feel to someone, the more comfortable you feel about sharing yourself."

Rodgers agrees. "In the beginning you ask about everything. You want to know, `What do they want out of life?' `What is their definition of happiness?' There's no way-that you can learn all those things overnight."

6. Treat Him To Dinner. Nothing speaks independence like a Sister who has her own, and isn't afraid to spend it. In addition to showing your man that you are willing to give and not just receive, you separate yourself from Sisters who are not so open-minded. "I appreciate a woman who is interested in treating every once in a while. It says, `I think we're a team,'" says Rodgers. "It's not just the man supporting the woman. It's a situation where we support each other. A Sister like that stands out."

7. Stroke His Ego. "A man wants to be with a woman who makes him feel good about himself, someone who makes him feel his best," says Vance. "A man wants to be attracted to his woman, he wants someone to dote on him and not nag him too much. But more than that, he wants someone to be an asset in his life. He wants someone who will add plenty of the positive, someone he knows he can count on."

8. Learn The Art Of Compromise. Through compromise, couples learn to accept each other's differences, experts say. "No one is going to do exactly what you want them to do all of the time," says Vance. "But you have to compromise so that you are not forcing your will on someone else. Otherwise, you will present stress and ultimately cause divisiveness rather than intimacy."

9. If It Doesn't Fit, Don't Force It. After a few dates and interesting conversation, Sisters ask: Is he really interested? "If he's a grown man and he's truly interested, you will never have to guess," says Vance. "My husband made no bones about his desire to get to know me ... and he was not afraid to make sure that I knew it."

If you're still unsure about the sexy guy you spotted last week or the one currently on your arm, experts advise Sisters to continually re-evaluate their needs and wants so that they are better prepared when the ideal man comes along. "When you have peace and purpose in your life, and when you are confident, that radiance shows through," says Vance. "Take care of yourself on the inside and the outside and let your happiness guide you to the man of your dreams."

COPYRIGHT 2003 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group