Differences between today's sisters and mama - For Brothers Only - Column

STANDING in line at the grocery store, I couldn't help but notice the Sister in front of me. Dressed in a business suit as she engaged in an animated conversation on her cell phone, she was the epitome of style and sophistication. She had it going on, and she knew it.

But it wasn't until this cosmopolitan woman began talking about how she was headed home to make a big birthday dinner for her man before flying out to Los Angeles to close a business deal in the morning that she really got my attention--so much so that I couldn't help but take a peek at the contents of her shopping cart to see what was on the menu for tonight.

What I saw gave me chills. In her cart, she had a dried-up rotisserie chicken that looked like it had been turning on that skewer in the deli for days, canned turnip greens and frozen corn. She had instant mashed potatoes, three-minute rice, and brown-and-serve rolls. And for dessert, she had a sheet cake from the bakery that read: "Happy Birthday, Sweetheart."

Wait a minute. This can't be some Brother's birthday dinner. Can it? What about the fresh vegetables? What about the homemade rolls? What about the fat pink bird waiting to be stuffed, massaged with seasonings and roasted to a nice juicy brown complexion? "Where's the love, Sister?" I thought to myself. I only wished I could be there to watch the poor Brother eat his birthday meal, to see him force it down, while forcing out a smile and a compliment. I wished I could be there to see her smile like mama used to when daddy wolfed down his dinner and asked for seconds.

The only difference in this Brother and daddy is daddy was enjoying some good eating, while this Brother was just eating. You see, mama used to spend hours in the kitchen, popping the green beans, shucking the corn, basting the turkey, baking the pie, squeezing the lemons for lemonade. And mama's magic wasn't just confined to the kitchen. She was the ultimate homemaker.

The Sister in the grocery store, on the other hand, was no mama. The birthday dinner she was preparing to cook would take about 30 minutes tops--and that's in-between phone calls and packing for her trip.

"What a shame," I thought to myself as I watched her leave the store. What a shame that this woman would never experience the magic, never know what it feels like to be mama, to be in that homemaking zone, where everything you touch either looks good or tastes good. Mama was in that zone most of the time. She was the Michael Jordan of her day. Our house was her home court, and she was unstoppable.

But maybe I was being too hard on the Sister. What became obvious to me after I left the grocery store was that while today's women are not like mamas of old, they're not really trying to be. What they lack in homemaking skills, they more than make up for in worldly skills. Today, women have a professional and personal drive about them that is unprecedented. You see them everywhere, educated and accomplished career women, independent Sisters who can talk foreign policy with the best of them, women who hang out at the neighborhood bar all night, spouting sport stats with the most knowledgable male fan. They can cut the grass, change the oil, and wash the car, while maintaining their femininity and independence.

Of course, this is not a hard-and-fast stereotype. There were some women 50 years ago who were career-oriented, and even today many young Sisters take ultimate pride in being homemakers and caretakers. I don't know that either one is better than the other, just different strengths and weaknesses.

It's up to us to be flexible and understanding enough to accept the differences of today's woman. Many times it's a matter of our changing our game, becoming more open-minded and home-minded. Take a cooking class. Give the vacuum cleaner a spin. Change a diaper. And realize that it doesn't make you less of a man because you are more domesticated than your father, just a better-rounded companion.

Encourage your lady to pursue her career, her dreams. Don't assume that her ultimate goal in life is to wait on you, to make you happy. Don't stand in her way with outdated macho stereotypes of what a woman's role should be. If you get out of her way, and let her strive to achieve what she believes is her greater purpose in life, you might just find that giving her a compliment for an off-the-shelf birthday dinner is not so hard after all.

COPYRIGHT 2003 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group