Getting your brat's worst: when you're tempted to throw a tantrum

"Why am I always on a diet?" "Why do I repeat the same destructive patterns, especially when it comes to food?" "Why do I gain l0 pounds, work hard to lose them, vow to never gain them again, and then, sure enough, find myself back where I started?" Sound familiar? These are the most common questions I'm asked on my Web site at www.marilu.com.

We know how we "should" be living: exercise, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, avoid health robbers such as sugar, meats, alcohol and caffeine, and blah, blah, blah ...

Yo-oh Mari

But that's easier said than done. Most of us start out with a positive attitude and a plan to do our best. But as the day progresses, we're tempted and stressed; and to cope with these challenges, we revert to childhood behaviors. But we can't blame an imaginary friend for our misbehavior. We need something stronger: our "inner brat"!

At weak moments in my day, a tiny voice echoes: "Yo-oh! Mari!" It's my inner brat calling to play, and I don't want to disappoint her.

Our inner brat waits to capitalize on our moments of weakness. And she (or he) can prey on our euphoric moments too. Inner brats want

what they want, when they want it--without any concern for the consequences. They use tricks to get it too. They've been know to say things like, "Go ahead and eat those cookies for breakfast; you'll eat oatmeal tomorrow." Or, "It's too crowded at the gym right now. You can work out later when it's empty."

Installation Wizard

Our inner brat came with us at birth. It was included in the software package installed by the manufacturer. And no matter how many times we run "scandisk," it remains on our hard drive. But our inner brat doesn't have to control our lives. It can be controlled (or at least defragmented). But I'll get to that later. For now, it's important to get to the roots of the inner brat and stop using these silly computer analogies.

Babies act out when they're hungry, cold, tired. They do this for survival. This impulse demands immediate attention. It's how parents deal with their child's cries for help that determines the size and strength of the future inner brat. Over time, children learn to use tantrums for more than necessities. They use them for luxuries such as candy and toys. Every time a parent thwarts a tantrum with ice cream or TV, the inner brat gets stronger.

When a child is bruised physically or emotionally, parents often reward him with a treat. Well-intentioned coaches and teachers also reward kids with sugary treats for winning a game or selling the most raffle tickets. So we're conditioned to expect a treat when we win (or lose) anything, and this pattern becomes deeply ingrained. The problem is that in adulthood, that pampering (in the form of laziness and procrastination) and those treats (junk food, cigarettes and alcohol) negatively affect us. Plus, we know we're doing something harmful, so we can't enjoy it like we did when we were kids. But we keep trying, and thus begins a pattern of indulging, feeling guilty, depriving, feeling deprived and indulging again. It's no surprise that people gain and lose the same 10 pounds over and over or "quit" smoking 20 times.

Doing "Brat-tlle"

You're probably thinking, "Who wants a life without indulgences? Maybe I like my inner brat!"

That's fine, just don't let your brat control you. It can be fun to hang around with people who have strong inner brats. They're naughty and entertaining. But they're also irresponsible and dangerous. And, deep down, people with strong inner brats don't like themselves, because they know their genuine responsibilities are in conflict with their childishness. Strong inner brats do not coexist well with strong adults!

There's nothing wrong with spicing tip your life with guilty pleasures, but do so in a way that isn't harmful. Who wants a life full of self-sabotage?

It's important to recognize when your inner brat is active. Be especially aware of those times when your brat is out of control. Road rage stems from an inner brat tantrum, not the other driver. By allowing your inner brat to take over, you put your life in the hands of an irresponsible child. Don't let a brat run your life. Just as bratty children unconsciously want more rigid boundaries, so do inner brats. Your inner brat is a part of you. You can't get rid of it, but you can control it.

In other words, you don't have to put up your inner brat for adoption. But you may want to develop your "inner nanny"!

Marilu Henner is a well-known actress, lecturer and NY Times best-selling author of Marilu Henner's Total Health Makeover, The 30-Day Total Health Makeover, I Refuse to Raise a Brat, Healthy Life Kitchen, Healthy Kids, Healthy Holidays, and Party- Hearty. To find out more about her program, check out her Web site at www.marilu.com.

Actress and best-selling author Marilu Henner offers classes and community at www.marilu.com.

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